Day 46
Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why must all Love Island series come to an end?
We’re now officially in the ‘winding down’ stage of this year’s Love Island.Â
The couples are sticking together like hogs to a truffle, the stupid tasks are finally finished and it’s mostly just a waiting game for the islanders at this point.
Last night, we got to see three of the couples going on their final dates, which is a bold but also very likely assumption about the longevity of their relationships when they leave the villa.
Three episodes remain and then we are free. Free to follow the islanders on social media to document their slow demise into obscurity. How thrilling!
Here’s six things you might have missed during last night’s Love Island.
1. Tommy cooked Molly-Mae’s legs on the fire pit for reasons that were initially unclear
While initially it made little sense, Tommy appeared to spend a small portion of last night’s show cooking Molly-Mae’s legs. He supported her awkwardly over the fire pit, ensuring an even cooking area with regular rotation to prevent sticking. Molly-Mae didn’t protest his wishes because sometimes the love between two people is so powerful that they will support each other through anything. She simply sat at an awkward angle and allowed her appendages to cook until they reached a satisfactory level of charred perfection. Somehow her dress remained intact throughout, failing to be set alight which begs the question – what on earth kind of fire retardant fabric are our islanders wearing and where are they getting it from? Also why was Tommy cooking Molly-Mae’s legs?
2. Tommy then proceeded to take a tender bite out of Molly-Mae’s leg, which was cooked to medium rare perfection
Aha. Finally, it makes sense. Tommy was cooking Molly-Mae’s legs because he was hungry. After they reached cooked perfection, Tommy brought the legs (and Molly-Mae) into the comfort of their communal bedroom. His eyes turned completely white, transporting him to another place entirely. Tommy Fury then engaged in a smidge of cannibalism, a perfectly natural milestone in every relationship. After an unspecified amount of time together, every couple goes through the Cannibalism Stage, whereby you work out how long it would take you to eat your partner if you were stranded on an island together with no other food source, but also cook a small bit of them here and now to taste it. Based on his vibe, Tommy would last twelve minutes before ravaging her to completion.
3. Ellie Belly buried her head as she was subjected to the sounds of Tommy and Molly-Mae doing the nasty together
Ellie Belly has a nice time. She’s gotten a free holiday to Mallorca which involves doing little more than sitting on her arse, sleeping the day away and occasionally having to comfort fellow islanders that are performatively heartbroken or have wronged their lovers but remain stubbornly convinced of their own innocence. But last night we saw a darker side to Ellie Belly’s time in the Love island villa. Often, she’s subjected to the gentle rocking of her assigned bed as a result of her mother and adopted father doing ~*bits*~, overhearing suspicious noises and generally feeling like a fridget at an orgy. Ellie Belly has seen, felt and heard all manner of things in that shared bedroom. The Love Island aftercare procedure had better apply to her as well.
4. Belle revealed herself to be an absolute mastermind at comic timing
In a bid to reclaim some of the toxic masculinity in society today, Belle and India (Belindia or Indibelle for short) were creeping on Anton while he worked out in the tiny makeshift villa gym. Things quickly descended into Sir David Attenborough territory with the girls narrating Anton’s frankly hysterical approach to working out (lots of glances at himself in the mirror, a neon pink shirt, beard inspection, etc). Then Belle brought out the big guns. Anton was doing some kind of an arm-related squat and at the precise moment where he took the strain and bent down, Belle made a fart noise. You simply can’t teach that kind of aptitude for comic timing. That’s something you’re born with, blessed even. She has a gift and she must only use it for good.
5. We learned that Molly-Mae looks exactly like Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’ when she applies mascara
As someone who regularly uses mascara, I will jump to Molly-Mae’s defence here. It is very difficult to both apply and remove mascara without contorting your face into the most hideous expression. However, were I going to be on the television doing such an act, I would set aside several months of physiotherapy to train my face to not do that. It’s not too much to ask. Simply, we must break the mould. Why must we be destined for a life of looking silly when we use mascara? Is the alternative to have lacklustre eyelashes? Because I simply won’t pander to it. Molly-Mae has given an accurate depiction of what’s entailed when applying makeup. She is brave, she is bold, she is remarkably similar to Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’, a £74m painting.
6. The year’s final islander entered the Love Island villa
Sending the warmest of welcomes to our final 2019 Love Island contestant, Carl. He’s a 26-year-old competitive speed walker from Norwich who likes swimming, kissing and scurrying around on kitchen floors. He’s had a few setbacks in life, mostly those few times he’s been knocked over on his back and unable to get back up without the aid of a nearby samaritan. Carl promises not to lose his head when conflict arises during his time in the villa, although even if he does, he can live for a full week without it. He’s got his 2,000 eyes set on Amber and Maura and isn’t afraid to ruffle through a few crumbs to get to them. There’s only a couple of days left in the villa, but we wish Carl all the best in his romantic endeavours. Fly high, buddy. Fly high.
Images via ITV
