3... 2.... 1... Activate.
It's the moment you've been waiting for since 2004. Everyone's favourite mechanical death program is grinding and stabbing its way back to television this summer: welcome back to Robot Wars. It's been over a decade since Sir Killalot killed a lot, since Razer gave us our sexual awakening, since Professor Noel Sharkey became an unlikely pop culture icon, and a lot has changed in that time.
The basic premise of the show remains the same: robots attempt to kill other robots by disabling them, dropping them into the pit or throwing them out of the arena. But there are new developments that need to be discussed, updates that need to be analysed, and old scores that need to be settled.
Ready, carnage fans? Let's go.
The series starts Sunday 24th July at 8pm.
Now that the new series of Top Gear has finished (for better or worse), there's a family-sized hole in BBC2's Sunday line up. What better to fill it than Robot Wars? The BBC clearly believes the reboot is going to be a smash hit to give it such a prominent place in the schedule, and let's be honest, they're not wrong.
Your favourite competitor robots are coming back.
Oh yes, you can expect competitive appearances from such Robot Wars stalwarts as Razer, Behemoth, Storm 2, Thor and Thermidor 2. But it's not all about the originals; there are dozens of new fighters hungry for the blood of the old guard. Word has it that newcomer Gabriel is one to watch - it has four interchangeable weapons: a sword, battle axe, pickaxe and sledgehammer. Will they be a match for the might of Razer's pincer? Yes. Or no. We honestly don't know.
The original and best House Robots are returning, but no Sgt. Bash.
New and improved versions of Dead Metal, Matilda, Shunt and Sir Killalot will be out in full force in this new series of Robot Wars. Well, when we say 'new and improved', we really mean 'stacked and jacked'. The House Robots have spent some serious time in the gym; they're "faster, three times heavier and eight times moodier".
Shunt: Weighs 300kg and has a 300psi pneumatic flipper.
Matilda: Three times heavier than before, can flip a tonne with her tusks, and has a 35kg flywheel tail.
Dead Metal: Weighs 370kg and has a 4000rpm circular saw.
Sir Killalot: Weighs a massive 750kg, has 2.5 tonnes of claw crushing power to play with and can go twice as fast as he could before.
You'll be pleased to know that the Beeb have decided not to bring back those shitty 'new' House Robots that they jumped the shark with back in the '00s - no Growler, no Mr. Psycho, and absolutely no pissing Refbot. Robot Wars is about carnage, not rules.
Sadly though, it looks like Sgt. Bash has been left on the sidelines. No mention has been made of him in the press so far and he's clearly not in the main squad, so we have to assume he's been put out to pasture. Or perhaps he's waiting in the wings, waiting for the moment you least expect him...
No Craig Charles, but Jonathan Pearce is on board.
Despite being interested in the returning to the role, Charles was left on the bench. Instead, Dara Ó Briain and Angela Scanlon will cover the hosting duties, marking the beginning of a new era of Robot Wars (assuming the series goes well).
Talking about his predecessor to
Mirror Online, Ó Briain said: "The Craig Charles thing, that was 12 years ago. He did a big acting job. You know how Richard O’Brien did the Crystal Maze. It was all swooping of fans and the big leather jacket."
12 years is a long time in television. Evidently tastes have changed and the BBC doesn't think the OTT, slightly pantomime style of presenting will cut it for contemporary audiences. Ó Briain was quoted as saying that he "did it in a much more sports event kind of way."
This could play well with the return of one of Robot Wars' key assets: Jonathan Pearce. Yes, Pearce's signature (read: head-explodingly exuberant) commentary will accompany each and every round of battle, and thank the blessed baby Jesus for that.
Major shit will be going down.
Photo: BBC
Major shit. If you thought Robot Wars was badass before, then hold on to your beard, Gerald.
Let's talk about the arena first. It's brand new, custom-built and - get this - completely bullet-proof. The old wooden floor is gone, replaced with 6mm thick steel. The arena walls are higher and a new trench has been built around the arena. All these reinforcements can only mean one thing: there is going to be a lot of sharp robot parts flying around the place. It could equally mean that Health & Safety standards/the likelihood of litigation has increased since 2004, but we'll choose to gloss over that.
The other thing we have to consider is the leaps and bounds technology has made since the show went off the air. For context, the first iPhone came out in 2007, and think how much that alone has developed in the years since. While we doubt that we'll be seeing voice-activated robots (
"Hey Siri, stab the shit out of Diotoir"), we can expect to see heavier, faster, more powerful robots in competition than ever before.
You will be right in the middle of the action.
Photo: BBC
We haven't just seen advances in robotics technology, cameras have come a long way over the last 12 years too. This series there will be 11 cameras filming the carnage. In the original series it was only really possible to film from outside the arena, but now there will be cameras right in the middle of the scrap, with one camera on a track in the arena and GoPros attached to each of the House Robots. Hoooooly shit.
It's going to be emotional.
Photo: BBC
Robot Wars 2016 is set to have more of a human interest angle than the original series. Previously, the most contact we had with the roboteers was a rather stilted interview in the pits with Philippa Forrester, but this time around the show will look at the journey the teams have been on to get to Robot Wars in more detail.
But don't think it's all going to be X Factor sob stories, with tearful engineers explaining that the loss of their great aunt Bertha motivated them to build a 4-wheel drive killing machine. This is still Robot Wars, an entertainment show rooted in science engineering, so we don't expect the stories behind the robots and roboteers to be completely mawkish.
Noel motherfucking Sharkey is back in the house.
It wouldn't be Robot Wars without Professor Badass himself. Sitting alongside Noel in the judges booth will be mechanical engineer Dr Lucy Rogers and world-renowned roboticist Professor Sethu Vijayakumar. The judging criteria seems to have changed for the 2016 edition: according to
the official Robot Wars website, the robots will be judged on damage, control and aggression - no points for style, then. A controversial decision, you might say.
It's going to be over much too soon
Photo: BBC
There's only six episodes of Robot Wars coming this time around: five heats, the winners of which will go into the grand final at the end of the series. Obviously the show doesn't want to outstay its welcome; as the old adage says, always leave them wanting more. Never mind more: we want it now.
